Still Here :/

Well I am on month 6 of blog post procrastination. I don’t even know where to start.  I don’t know where the time goes.  It seems to just fly by no matter how much I try to take hold of it and make it slow down.

Fall came and went and we got a lot of things done around here but still no finished chicken coop and barn floor. We STILL had dogs in the chicken pasture and have STILL been having dog drama. We came to the painful decision to rehome Hadwin and in the process ended up with a 3rd dog. How did we end up with a 3rd dog you ask? Well, that’s quite a long story.

Meet Althaea! (Al-Thee-ah) Or Thea for short.  She’s a doll and we love her.  Isn’t she just the fluffiest baby with the sweetest little face? Thea and Bjorn landed themselves in the chicken pasture lined with a hotwire because Bjorn has become an escape artist able to scale a 5 foot fence.Not to mention the fact that Hadwin has decided that anything fluffy deserves a haircut and we really didn’t want the other dogs losing any of their fur right before a long cold winter. So everyone has been in doggie jail and the alpacas got moved to their own pasture for the very same reason. (They are quite fluffy and apparently great chew toys as well)Hadwin’s original new home fell through late last summer so until a few weeks ago we still had him.  I started working hard to find him a new home and what do ya know? Craigslist actually panned out in a great way.  He now lives with a very nice couple on their 7 acre property.The new owner has patience, experience, and time to work with him and from what we know, so far so good.  This is a HUGE relief to us but of course our hearts will be healing for awhile.  We honestly feel like we messed up somehow and if we would have done things differently we could have kept him.

In other sad news Truman, our first alpaca, got sick the end of January with meningeal worm. (Read about alpacas and meningeal here .) We gave him treatments for several days but he just couldn’t fight hard enough and we lost him.I had a feeling he wasn’t going to make it and thankfully I trusted my gut and had the kids say goodbye to him.  I called my husband and asked him to come home.  We went out the barn together and found him. It’s heartbreaking and the kids are just so sad.  He was our first real “farm animal”.  My husband took such amazing care of him during the last few days we had with him.  It makes me tear up just thinking about it. The whole experience gave me some wonderful opportunities to talk with the girls about death. I told them that the cost of loving something so much is how much it hurts when they are gone.  But that I would pay the price 1000 times over to love as hard as I can.  I told them our family is brave and that we love strong. I told them that when tragedy strikes we will stick together and try never to build a wall around our hearts. I told them it’s ok to cry.  So there has been a lot of crying. We have decided to hang up our alpaca hats and regroup.  We found Blue a wonderful new home and he got picked up last weekend.He is partially deaf and really relies on the cues from another alpaca so we don’t want him to be alone for very long.  He now lives on a beautiful property with a blind alpaca and a 7 month old alpaca so hopefully they will be good company for each other. We have very much enjoyed them and I still see alpacas our in our future. We have learned a lot and know what kind of setup we want for next time.

Now that we are down to only two livestock guardian dogs and some kitties we are anxious to get some other critters around here.  I have my eye on some mini Nubian goats that will soon be for sale.  The hotwire for our bigger “middle pasture” is almost done.  As soon as it’s finished we can move the dogs out of the chicken pasture and get to work on the building. The girls all are anticipating the time very soon when they can name and own their own chickens.

Over the past several months my husband, as per usual, has been learning lots of new things. He learned how to hot-wire a fence in the middle of winter, install a dishwasher, fix leaky pipes, prep for power outages, and who to call when you have a rather large livestock body to dispose of when the ground is completely frozen.  He also learned how to build a frame and re-mount a mailbox on our post since some lovely person ran ours over with their vehicle and kept driving.  Our mail lady stopped by one afternoon and asked where our mailbox was.  Mike walked off with a puzzled look on his face to try to find it and there it was!  In the cornfield across the road!

I went back to work part time doing hair.  I’m learning how to manage an acreage, home-school, and hold a part time job.  So far so good.  We will see how it goes when spring hits and we have lots of projects to get done. I am so over winter already.  I feel like I can’t breathe. I’m dreaming of the smell and feel of of warm air through my windows,freshly cut grass, and the sound of little girls giggling over popsicles on the breezy front porch. Of birds chirping, no more layering, and longer days filled with sunshine and hard work.  The girls have done very well keeping themselves entertained with long days indoors but it’s so hard not being able to send them out as often to play. They are all becoming very independent and I am just so proud of them.  My four year old wakes up each morning with my 2 year old and feeds her breakfast and they play together until the rest of us get up. They are all learning to get along and the fighting has lessened greatly.  Its fun to see the fruit of all my prayers and conflict resolution speeches.(lol) They really love and care for each other and watch each other’s backs.  I pray for them that they would always hold each other close and realize the gift they are to each other.  I tell them that no other friend will ever share as much history with them than their sisters. As we press on through the cold winter months we pray daily for the Fruits of the Spirit to spill out of us. The girls know these by heart; Love, Joy, Peace, Patience, Kindness, Gentleness, Faithfulness, and Self Control.  “Lord fill our home with these things like only you can. Help us to love like You do. Amen” “Oh and please get us to Spring fast!”

“…The Joy of the Lord is my Strength” Nehemiah 8:10

 

 

My Grandma Jean.

This is going to be a tough one to write.

So my Grandma.  She’s super important to my life story. Not only for the obvious reason that’s she gave birth to my Mother (who is kinda necessary to me even having a story) but because she gave me something really important as a kid.  She gave me the gift of unconditional, constant, never changing, steady, predictable, unfailing love. I never had to guess how she was feeling. There was never a question of where I stood with her.  Being the emotional sponge that I am made this crucial to my growing up. She always said what she meant and meant what she said.  As an adult I’ve realized that this is a rare quality.  I LONG to be this way. (Especially for my kiddos) She radiated consistency and peace.

My grandma had a really rough start.  Her Mom died when she was 2 years old and her Father re-married to a women who favored her own children over her.  She was cruel to her.  Her Dad then died when she was only 14 years old and as soon as she was old enough she emancipated herself and rented a room close to her HS and spent summers with her Aunt (where her siblings had already relocated to.)

I have NEVER heard her complain or play the victim . She is a survivor and an amazing example of rising above circumstances and living a better way. She loved God deeply and loved her family well. I admire her so much.

She and my grandpa built so many memories with us during summertime. The days at their farm never seemed long enough!  (if you are new here you can read about a little more about my childhood summers here.)

My Grandpa passed away July 2013.  He was in his inner tube fishing.  He wouldn’t want to be anywhere else and he had been suffering for a long time.  I could write a whole post just about him!  (and a myriad of other people for that matter. But this one is for Gma Jean.)

We thought grandma had years and years left of memory building left. She had just started a new tradition of renting a place in Omaha for the family so we could gather every summer.  She has always been healthy and sharp and so much fun. She drove her friends to church and visited them in nursing homes and was very busy all the time.  But then she began mentioning that she had trouble finding her words. She mentioned to my Mom and my Aunt several times that she felt like she was slipping away. Finally she went in and had a brain scan done that revealed a stroke she had awhile back. Eventually we learned she had a very aggressive form of vascular dementia.  It has been a huge shock to our family. It has attacked her communication center very quickly. My grandma could drive in December 2014.  Now she is sitting in a special chair in a nursing home on hospice on a liquid diet.  I have been there 3 times to visit since May and the last time I was there she couldn’t even respond to me.  She is a prisoner in her own body and from what we understand she knows what’s going on around her.  This is AWFUL torturous humiliating cruel wrong stuff.  I close my eyes and listen really hard and can still hear her laugh and hear her say “I love you too”.  The last words she could speak before she lost all communication ability were ‘yes’ ‘ok’ ‘no’ and ‘i love you.”  Isn’t that amazing? This is a woman truly defined by her love.  I miss her SO MUCH.

Suffering is no joke. I have been wrestling with the grief of this more than I ever have anything else.  All the big God questions.  “Why? This is so unfair God! Why wont you just take her home Lord?” So.much.grief.  Ugh I don’t even know what all to pray I just want her suffering to end.  So I cling to His promises and just pray for peace and comfort and His presence to surround her.  “He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away” Rev 21:4

The day I realized that she was not ok was the day my mom texted me that my Dad would be picking up my grandma’s piano and bringing it to me.  I said “why? won’t she want to play it?” and my Mom replied “no she can’t play piano anymore”.  I mean her life was music.  I had the hardest time wrapping my mind around the concept that she couldn’t play her piano anymore. But get this for timing. . .I inherit a bunch of her treasures and get to move them into my new farmhouse.  I can’t describe to you what that nostalgia feels like.   The first time i pulled out that piano bench and started playing an old hymn just started pouring out of the keys.  I remembered how much I used to love to play. (It’s been over 15 years) I sat there, in my new foyer with my fingers hovering over the piano keys, while staring out the window that overlooks corn and blue skies for miles and I just sobbed. I sobbed and I sobbed and I sobbed.  It was healing way down deep in my soul.  I find so much comfort knowing that all of this was orchestrated by God in His perfect timing.

So we live on this beautiful homestead.  A refuge.  A place where I want to emulate that simple, consistent, love filled home I visited every summer.  A place I want my friends and family to come to – to feel safe and loved.  A place to stay up past dark in summers and catch fireflies.  A place where the world seems a little quieter and God feels a little closer.

In a sense one era ending. . .another beginning

Why would we want a farm?

“Oh wow that’s going to be a lot of work”  they say.  “That’s going to be a LOT of yard to mow!”  “You really want to live that far away from everything? That’s really out there!” 😛  So why in the world would we want a “farm”? (it’s technically a homestead but my kids call it a farm. so we will call it a farm in this post) Well lets talk about my childhood for a sec.  I grew up with a military Daddy and we moved all over the place.  I never had friends more than 3 or 4 years and we never lived close to our family.  Every summer my parents would make a trip home to Iowa to see our grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins. When we got a little older they would drop my sister and I off with them or fly us out and we would stay 2 to 5 weeks at a time and make our rounds.  It was amazing.  I LOVED going there. We learned how to swim, fish, play piano, sing new songs, cook, do crafts, put on fashion shows, go boating and camping, skip rocks, get muddy, stay away from snapping turtles, and put up with bugs. We explored and dreamed and the days seemed long and perfect.  I never wanted my time there to end.  I still remember where I was standing when I promised myself someday I would have my own place like that and the feeling could last forever. Because of this the Midwest has always felt like home and it’s where I settled.  My husband spent his summers visiting his Grandma on her farm.  He made wonderful memories there growing up too. Ever since we got married we have talked of getting our own property.  A place where our kids could explore, and dream, and run.  A place where they could learn that working and playing as a family go hand in hand. We want gardens and chickens and fruit trees.  We want SPACE.  And we got space.

But even more then a little girl’s promise to herself I believe that God gives me (us) dreams and desires. As my husband and I have increased our pursuit for God’s heart and His will for our lives He has checked the motive of our hearts over and over.  He has increased our faith and our patience. He has taught us that He is trustworthy and that if He’s not in the plan-that if it’s not His way, then we don’t want it.  We prayed over and over that if it wasn’t His idea that we wanted to know!  But He only grew our dream bigger and we felt pressed to ask for the impossible.  I am so in awe of His love and faithfulness.  He gives his children good gifts! (Luke 11:13)

So we bought the farm!  😛  Is it convenient? Nope. It’s a major adjustment moving to the country.  Do we have to work hard?  Yup!  But you know what?  We spend more quality time together as a family then we have in a long time.  We are unplugged and present.  We are building, and cleaning, and mucking, and mowing, and designing, and weeding, and LIVING.  We work hard and we play hard.  Our hearts are so happy here!  It’s like a refuge. It’s a place to take a deep breath and slow down.

“But let all who take refuge in You be glad, Let them ever sing for joy; And may you shelter them, That those who love your name may exult in You. For it is You who blesses the righteous man, O Lord, You surround him with favor as with a shield.”  Psalm 5:11,12

What?!??

 

SO.MUCH.HAS.HAPPENED.!!!!! 😀 😀 😀

I don’t even know where to start. The last 60 days have been an absolute whirlwind. Reality sometimes feels like a distant memory.  If you’re here for the first time you can read the beginning of our adventure here.
In my previous post I talked about a property we were on the verge of purchasing. It turned into a nightmare! The seller was horrible to us and a TON of problems kept popping up
on the property. From mold, to water damage, to a contaminated well, to a it needing custom gutters that were going to run 10+ grand! After awhile it seemed like instead of fighting for our dream we were pushing our dream up a hill. There was seemingly no grace in the process and honestly we just weren’t feeling the excitement we thought we should feel. Through this 2 year journey a friend kept telling me that God was going to blow my mind. That it would almost be too much to grasp and that she couldn’t wait to see what home we would find because it was going to be incredible. I kept telling my husband that I want a really really old house that’s brand new. We decided it just wasn’t possible to find that. But we love asking God for the impossible.
We prayed and prayed that if this wasn’t the home for us that God would make a mountain in front of us we just couldn’t move. We prayed that we wouldn’t make a foolish decision and kept asking for the property that HE would have for us. . . no matter what it looked like.
So on April 25th we let go of the property and decided we would keep searching. That SAME DAY I found a new listing on craigslist that really interested me. I quickly map quested to see how far from omaha it was and it seemed too far to be a possibility so I gave up on right away. But I couldn’t stop thinking about it so Mike agreed to drive to the property to see how long it would really take to get there before we considered it any further. It took WAY less time then map quest estimated so on the way home we called our realtor and she got us in that night (even though the listing required a 24 hour notice to show it). We dropped our kiddos with the inlaws and headed back out. We didn’t want to involve them in any more house hunting adventures. It was just too hard on them.
Well. . . we fell in love with the house at first sight. It was EVERYTHING we wanted. And guess what? IT’S A BRAND NEW REALLY REALLY OLD HOUSE! It was built in 1912 and the owners gutted it and updated the whole thing. They kept ALL the character in it and did an incredible job.
We left so excited we could barely stand it. It’s everything we could ever want and more. And it’s even situated on 22 acres of beautiful land. The next morning we made an offer and within a half hour they took it! It has been the EASIEST smoothest process with the owners.
Now on the mortgage side of things it’s been quite an adventure. Apparently there’s nothing quite like this property so it’s had more than one appraisal and getting it insured was nothing short of a miracle. Our mortgage guy and his wife (and long time friends) worked so hard to make this happen for us.
We know beyond a shadow of a doubt that this huge dream fulfilled is a gift from God. It’s more than I could ever hope for. It is absolutely blowing my mind. Not only did we get this huge gorgeous home but the owners have been so sweet to us. She and I began emailing back and forth soon after we started the buying process. She left us a ton of beautiful furniture and toys for the girls. They left us odds and ends they thought we may need while living out here and have even come out to visit us to answer questions and show us around. We have agreed to stay in touch.
So here’s the coolest part. We didn’t tell the kiddos until closing day. They knew nothing at all. It was so hard to keep a secret this big for that long! We were super hush hush about the whole thing to even our friends and family because we didn’t want anyone slipping up and talking about it in front of them. Towards the end more and more people knew about it and there were so many times it would get brought up in front of the kids and we would have to divert the conversation. I can’t believe my eldest never picked up on it.
We closed on June 12 and took them out to our new home to “show
them a house to see if they like it”. After exploring everything we asked them what they thought of the place and if we should move in. After they all said yes we said “what do you think about moving in tomorrow?” Their eyes all got really big and they started squealing and screaming which we assumed was a “yes” 
I pinch myself every time I wake up in the morning and think “am I dreaming or is this really my life?” This place is truly my little girl heart expressed on the outside.

Hello world!

Hello world! My name is Abbey and I’ve always wanted to blog.  Procrastination and life always seems to get in the way. I swear I’m creative A.D.D and can never focus on just one little project.  Also I don’t really think of myself as a writer. My bestie is a writer and she’s amazing so I always think that’s more her gig.  But I AM a talker.  I have lots to say and she keeps telling me I should write to the world and tell about the things I talk about.  I feel like there is a window open right now. . .and if I don’t start telling our story I’m going to miss it.

Here’s a little bit about me, my family, and our adventure thus far.  I’ll try to keep my posts short and sweet.  Well maybe not sweet- life is gritty and messy and crazy.  But I’ll keep it short. 😉

I am a daughter, sister, wife, mother and friend.  I’ve been married to an incredible man since 2003. I’ve been a Mommy since 2006, have been pregnant 7 times, and have 4 beautiful little spirited girls.  They are 9, 5, 3, and 1 years old. For now we homeschool.  Our theory on homeschooling is “One year at a time, one kid at a time” and see where it goes.  My life is crazy.  I feel like after number 4 my whole world drastically changed. We love America and Jesus. And we have survived SO. MUCH.   Maybe I’ll get into some of that in another post but for now let’s talk about our most recent endeavor.

Our family dream:

We have always wanted to own land and live outside city limits.  My eldest daughter often says “mom, I feel like I’m not really a city girl.  I think I’m more of a farm girl” and I totally agree with her.  She has been saving up nickels and dimes in her piggy bank to ‘buy our farm’ for as long as I can remember.  We want space to run and permission to do our own thing.  We want a dog, some chickens, big gardens and fruit trees and an alpaca.  We want a white picket fence, and big front porch, a playhouse, and some outbuildings. My hubby wants a firing range and a greenhouse. This is our family dream!   So after kiddo number 3 turned about a year old we started getting our 1st home ready to sell. My husband and I felt like we were coming out of the new baby fog.  We lost a bunch of weight, started getting healthy again- resting and “dating” each other again.  Life was feeling pretty good.  THEN WE GOT PREGNANT AGAIN.  Pregnancy is exhausting.  It takes everything out of me. Don’t get me wrong kiddos are a dream come true for us!  But we weren’t feeling ready yet.  This slowed down the home project quite a bit.  We renovated our kitchen and rented a storage unit to put some of our clutter in.  And then at 7 months pregnant my daughter decided it was time to be born.  She showed up 8 whole weeks early.  Talk about stressful.  3 weeks in the NICU and we were back home again.  We dove right back into getting the house ready to list and it went on the market in August 2014.  We sold it not long after and moved in with my husbands parents. AND.WE.ARE.STILL.LIVING.THERE.  “Lord what is Your plan????”  It’s April 2015 people. APRIL. We are so ready to have our own space.  They have been amazing and so generous to live with and I can’t picture a better scenario for what it is.  But there are 6 of us living in this basement and we need OUT.

I have been checking zillow and craigslist for our dream property for 2 years.  It’s like a compulsive behavior now. We are picky, we have a huge lists of ‘must haves’  We have really only found about 4 or 5 ‘gems’ property wise and haven’t been able to buy any of them for various reasons.  Do we build or do we buy? Whats our budget, really?  Do we buy a fixer upper?  Where do we wana live?  To be completely honest in some ways I think I had given up on finding something.  Mike and I talked about finding a rental and just saving up for awhile. But finally, FINALLY a home came on the market Wed. April 8 2015.  We went to look at it that day and made an offer the next morning.  Now we are in the waiting process.  Our inspection is on Saturday and after that the ball can really begin rolling.  Could it really be? Could we move in and begin our family dream in mere weeks?  Honestly I’m not even excited yet.  I think I’m feeling afraid to hope too hard. So with a small flickering of hope in our hearts, we trust and we wait. Some more.